I began to get to know Jeanette over facebook in the last 13 months as she wrote her heart out, sharing her struggles and victories, her fears and joys, and her triumphs over pain.  She wrote about her husband, her 10 children, and her battle with cancer until she went home to be with the Lord on the 7th of this month.  Her words are always an encouragement to me, and I wrote this song when I heard she had gone home.  It is the message she spoke into my heart throughout the last year of her life.

To Win, or Not to Win?

It was never worth it to win before.  -Not to me.  Someone always had to loose that way, somebody usually got upset... I always figured that made "competitive" a bad thing. 

Looking back now, I hardly ever won on purpose as a kid.  True, there were places for competition, but only when I was sure it wasn't a bad thing.  The problem with that?  I was almost never sure if it wasn't a bad thing, and when I did win it always came with feeling bad for whoever lost.  Pathetic, I know.

Just recently I got into a discussion with someone about this and after sorting it out and hearing things from his point of view I broke free from something that had held me back all my life. 

We had both just come from a race which had been advertised as a "family fun run/walk/crawl" -he had run it and I had watched from the finish line.  He was in the middle of saying something about how he loved the competitiveness of the whole thing, when I said how much I really didn't like it.

Watching the agony that these people went through to win, the disgust or discouragement, the limit pushing, the angry crying when a little kid "lost" was enough to re-enforce the findings of my childhood and I just didn't like it.

He disagreed with me still though and I don't remember much of what he said, but I'm glad that he did it because that was where I began to see "competitive" from a new perspective. 

"Being competitive is not about winning, it's about seeing how much you can do."

I went away knowing he was right and not really sure how, but this sentence stuck in my head and after a few days I started to try it out.  The amazing thing is that, not only did I start to find I could do all kinds of things I never knew, but it was all free of the guilt I'd felt before when I'd thought that the purpose of competing was to win, or, to beat the other people.  Then everything I had thought about it before slowly began to replace itself with this thought: "it's not about winning, it's about seeing how much you can do".

You know, God made us and there is no doubt that His work is amazing!  And every time we strive to be all that we can be, we are finding out just a little bit more of His handiwork and power and there is nothing to be ashamed of there, where as I guess at the same time that if you're just sitting back because you don't want someone else to loose, well, you could probably say you're kinda hiding some of God's work and not really helping anyone out in the mean time.

True, if your goal for winning is to put someone else down.... yeah, your motives are probably not in the right place, but who ever said this was about comparing ourselves with each other anyway?  The truth? -comparing is not recommended at all: "comparing themselves among themselves, they are not wise."

Let's go be the people God made us to be, yeah? and when someone does better than you, rejoice in what God has done; and when you do better than someone, you can rejoice, because He's done that too!

If you want to be great, you need to have a plan

Just another day

Not getting a parking ticket.
The vast greatness of God that hits you and then shrinks your problems down to size in the moment when you stand staring at the ocean.
Peace.
Coffee breaks.
People letting you know that they're praying for you.
Meetings gone well.
The freedom to be who I am and not try to fit in to a mold that didn't make me.
Tiredness and hard laughs.
A hundred ways to see God in a day.
Food.
Generosity that goes beyond the point of possible return.
Listening ears.

So many random little things to be thankful for in one day. :)  It's amazing how I tend to miss all this stuff when I feel like things are under control. 

What kind of a blessing comes from days gone haywire?  This kind.  Ahhh, happiness....  The calm after a storm and joy after a trial always seem sweeter than they were the day before.

We do things and wish we hadn't; we say things that we wish we never thought; we think we've learned lessons the hard way, only to find that we're doing it all wrong again....

That's a circle I take over and over again.  Sometimes it's on the edge of burying me in discouragement and then I go around one more time.

We do things we wish we hadn't and He forgives us; we say things we wish we'd never thought and He dries our tears; we think we've learned lessons the hard way....and He still welcomes our confession.  He blots out all of our sins against Him, He holds us in His arms, He forgives us for not resting in Him, He takes our burden, He leads us home.

And now I'm not so sad I went around the circle again because the more I can see that I've been forgiven, the more I can know how much He loves.

His mercies are new every morning.

Moutains and Valleys

Floods and droughts

Summer and Winter

Hope and doubt

Dreams that shatter

Visions that pass

Live disasters

Storms that last

The crest of the hill

The lifting of fog

The first wind of Spring....

I always wonder about the highs and lows in life. It's when I find myself on a high and realize that there's no ground left under my feet that it hits me again.  I've never ridden on a straight and level line, ya know?  Somewhere in the Christian life I think I've gotten the flavor that I should be on a definite and steady incline; never going down, never deviating....  and then I wonder, is it shameful to be at a low point?  Does it mean I've back tracked?...

When you crest the top of a hill there really isn't anywhere to go from there but down, that doesn't mean that you can't keep going forward though.  No, in fact you do have to go down in order to get to the starting place of the next higher incline.  It's like hiking.  I've got a hunch that the feeling of defeat after reaching a crest and plunging forward is not from God at all, but just a sneaky little trick from the devil.  Broken may be right, but not defeated!

And even if the trip down into the next valley is a fall, it's not about the fall; it's about getting back up again.
...a just man falls seven times, and rises up again...

...he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Summer time y'all

I Love CALFORNIA!!!!

And other places too.  Just thought I'd let you know. :-/>

He Has Done Great Things!

Bang on Truths from Spurgeon this morning:
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The Lord hath done great things for us, whereof we are glad.
-Psalms 126:3
Some Christians are sadly prone to look on the dark side of everything, and to dwell more upon what they have gone through than upon what God has done for them. Ask for their impression of the Christian life, and they will describe their continual conflicts, their deep afflictions, their sad adversities, and the sinfulness of their hearts, yet with scarcely any allusion to the mercy and help which God has vouchsafed them.

But a Christian whose soul is in a healthy state, will come forward joyously, and say, I will speak, not about myself, but to the honor of my God. He hath brought me up out of an horrible pit, and out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings: and he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God. The Lord hath done great things for me, whereof I am glad. Such an abstract of experience as this is the very best that any child of God can present. It is true that we endure trials, but it is just as true that we are delivered out of them. It is true that we have our corruptions, and mournfully do we know this, but it is quite as true that we have an all-sufficient Saviour, who overcomes these corruptions, and delivers us from their dominion.

In looking back, it would be wrong to deny that we have been in the Slough of Despond, and have crept along the Valley of Humiliation, but it would be equally wicked to forget that we have been through them safely and profitably; we have not remained in them, thanks to our Almighty Helper and Leader, who has brought us out into a wealthy place. The deeper our troubles, the louder our thanks to God, who has led us through all, and preserved us until now. Our griefs cannot mar the melody of our praise, we reckon them to be the bass part of our life's song, 'He hath done great things for us, whereof we are glad.' -Charles Spurgeon

~ I read this on someone's facebook the other day and it struck me too, that if I truly do believe that God is my Master, Creator and King, and that He is overseeing every aspect of my life, doesn't it follow that when I point out all my woes I'm dishonoring Him, as opposed to if I'm looking instead on what He's doing for me?  I don't think I could remember the last time I consciously made an effort to honor God with what I said about myself, because maybe I was thinking too much about myself to realize that my testimony has a direct connection to His honor, but I'm sure thinking about it now, and I'm excited about the goodness that I do and will see! 

  

"...I will praise you with joyful lips when I meditate on you in the night..." and, "to him that orders his conversation aright, will I show the goodness of God." 

 

For the Birds

 Birds on the wire -such a timeless idea.

It's what you see when you look up.  
It's what leaves evidence of wild life here in the city.  
It's what you don't stand under...  
It's what you listen to when there's no music playing or people talking.  
It might inspire you to use fireworks out of season... 
What might wake you up in the morning, or lull you into a nap in the middle of the day.  
It's the object of a Pixar cartoon.  
It's just birds... on the wire.  -and other stuff.    

That moment when it hurts to let go, but you know that it will hurt more later if you don't now.  

That moment when your heart cries in desperation to find true thankfulness in what God has put before you.  

That moment when you grasp for the joy you can't see now by voicing the words, 'thank you' in hope of being able to see it all in real thankfulness later.  

That moment when your efforts seem fruitless and it seems an eternity this step your trying to make.

That moment when the sun breaks through the clouds and you feel the warmth of One looking down on you.

That moment when you know the tender comfort of the One who sees and feels all you've seen or felt.  

That moment when your soul is touched by the unseen hand that held you and led you to where you are.

That moment when you know the voice of the One who says, 'well done'. 

Sunset over Palos Verdes

   

 You have searched me and known me.  You understand my thoughts far off... there is not a word in my mouth that you don't already know.  Where should I go from your spirit?  Or where could I go from your presence? ...If I dwell in the middle of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, and your right hand will hold me...

The Evolution Of My Cyber Dumpster - Why Most People Shouldn't Have A Blog

I was never the best student.  Being the fifth born in a family of 14, all of whom were to be home schooled by Mom, you can't expect every one of us to get straight A's though.  Grammar, writing and spelling were probably my hardest subjects, (maybe due to the fact that I didn't like to read).  Curiously enough, when it became a trend to have a blog in our house back in 2005, that became the thing I dreamed to keep.  It was a few years before I eventually set one up.  The only problem -I didn't have anything to write.  That blog sat until I completely forgot the address, log in and password and it disappeared into cyberspace.  

My mind told me I should just practice writing in my journal.  Sadly enough, I repeated the whole process twice.
 
  Time passed and web logs made it part way into history as they went out for a while and social networks took their place.  I figured out that I could keep a facebook without really having to write anything on it and for the first time, I felt internetly sophisticated.

  More time.  The history books close again for web logs and one day finds me with a sister and a computer.  A handy search engine and a sentimental journey into the near past shows that blogs are still alive in our family under the 'very original' titles, 1of14, 2of14, 3of14, 4of14... we look up 5of14 to see if, by some mistake it exists and, yes it does!  But it's not me.  Seeing that a 7of14 and a 9of14 also exist though, we search until we find one of my old blogs, and even though it's been dormant for over a year, we give it a proper title, "fiveof14".

  At this point, some kind of faulty intelligence tells me that, if I have such a hard time finding my own blog, other people will have a harder time, and I begin to post random things on my page of internet. (Nothing worth having my name or face attached to.)  This brings us to the present.

  It's early and I'd rather be asleep.  I half pay attention to a discussion about blogging.  How some are good, and "some people shouldn't write".  I'm slightly intrigued and my mind starts to wounder what it really is that makes a writing worth while, (since I've definitely not found it yet).

  "some people write well but portray themselves as -amazing, not-who-they-really-are.  I get comments about every other day from people telling me how they just love Margie's blog and about what an amazing person she is."
  -"Now Annie, on the other hand," (that would be me!) "she's just now coming to the realization that people can actually SEE her blog!.."

  I'm awake now.  

  They think it's funny that I react and so they expound on it and accuse me of writing on the internet what was only meant for a private journal.  This makes me smile and so I join in the fun poking with, "Yeah, I just call it my 'Cyber Dumpster'.  It's where I dump everything that I don't want anymore. -You mean you READ that stuff?"    
 
  Why did I just say that?  I don't know.  But this turned the conversation to cheesy and I began to think:

  It's true, I'm one of those people who shouldn't have a blog.  It's also true that Margie is a good writer, even if she's not exactly who she writes about.  Hey, who ever said a writer couldn't have a separate identity?

  It's true that people do have 'Cyber Dumpsters' (code name 'facebook, twitter, blog spot...'), and unfortunately for them, they're probably gonna regret it some day when they realize that they've written out their whole struggle through love and rejection, hate and their enemies, and giving the dog a bath, on line for the world to see.  

 And it's true that none of us really care about what you're eating, or where you're sitting, because we'd really all rather read about ourselves.  Needless to say, I will be cleaning out my blog and putting the trash into the Real 'Cyber Dumpster' -the one on my desktop labeled 'Recycle Bin', soon.  And here is where I begin to come to my conclusions about what makes a good blogger.

~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~

  A good blogger can write about themselves under the disguise of writing about you in first person, and bring you to believe that they're right beside you in the struggles of life, big or small.  Everyone likes to overcome a good struggle in a cool way.  This is why you love them even though they're a little more awesome when they write than you could ever be in real life.  

  They are also profoundly grateful, extra cynical, and they have a knack for thinking up the perfect things to say at the perfect moments, (the things that we all wish we'd of thought up on the spot, but failed to be brilliant with until an hour after the fact).  Of course our blogger is gracious enough to keep these
thoughts all to themselves so as not to offend the person they wished to insult at the moment.

  A good blogger can keep it short, because we don't think we really have time to read these days.  This is where they spare the details that you never needed to know.

  And last, a good blogger will leave you with some worth while information, weather it's a piece of history, a bit of advice, or a word of wisdom, because everyone likes to have something to show for their time.


  That is the information I'd like to leave with you now, and I will also leave it up to you to decide whether it's information worth keeping or not.   

  After all, this is me, writing from my Cyber Dumpster.  

88 Miles An Hour

...It's the speed that my mind goes sometimes. :)

 ~I like when people remind me to have a good day...

  

 Yep, someone reminded me today.  In good time too.  God is good like that. 

"Taste and see that the Lord is good."  ~'Cause He is!  SO good!  

Something to think about...

"The eyes of the Lord are in every place, beholding the evil and the good." ~Proverbs 15:3

August 16th, 2011

Well check this out- two posts in a single year!!  I think I'm on a roll...

Click on the picture to see it animated.

We saw these guys at the Orange County Fair a few weeks ago... pretty rad!!

~When I can do this I'll let you know.

Oh,
P.S.  If you're wondering why my blog is called Star Fishes Love You... keep wondering, I don't know either.

Just finished taping the newest family pictures up... This is probably my favorite wall in our house! :)

Just 4 Fun

Crossing the street, in Manhattan New York